 |
 In MemoriamJames HattonOctober 9, 1966 • April 2, 2010 |
Eulogy
The day I met James Hatton I had no idea that it would be a life-changing event. I traveled to visit him at his home, a 13 hour drive for me, not knowing what to expect, but with the comforting feeling that after hundreds of hours of on line chatting, I had found a kindred spirit – someone who (Continued...)
Memorial Tributes and Thoughts From His Friends
Please add your thoughts to the memorial here.
From: robert arceneuax - new orleans
Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of James' death. I spent the day going through many of his things, releasing some of them and feeling some freedom in that. While he is with me every day, I am beginning to realize that I don't need his "stuff" to savor those memories. The words of a very old verse, which I find comforting, seemed fitting and I'll share them with you, as to me the express the kind of sentiment James would have said himself:
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's
Cathedral
4/3/2011 6:37:35 AM
From: tieguy7001 (robert) - new orleans
To all who participated in the memorial for James at this year's MIR in Chicago, I offer a a most sincere "thank you." The holiday season is here, and this is always a particularly hard time when you have lost someone you love and who is a part of your daily life. Please think of Matt, and Jame's family, during this time, and send them positive thoughts.
12/20/2010 4:42:47 PM
From: Matt - Raleigh & Taylorsville, NC
just over 3 months now. The world moves on. The daily business of living. But the kindness from of all of you lingers and lives on. Thank You.
7/3/2010 7:42:18 PM
From: Todd - Atlanta, GA, USA
Thanks Robert (tieguy); this is what we thought, and I'm glad to know it was confirmed.
To the rest of us, please remember: When you're going to use strong inhalants or practice breath play, DON'T PLAY ALONE. If we try to be here for each other, maybe we can prevent another tragic loss in our community.
Godspeed, James. Maybe the world just wasn't ready for your wealth of spirit. I can only hope that the next one welcomes you in whole.
6/20/2010 1:00:52 PM
From: tieguy7001 - new orleans
Until now, we have been silent on the issue of how James died because we were awaiting the final report of the medical examiner and a toxicology report which was expected to shed additional light on the subject. Additionally, as there was some question early on as to who was responsible for administering James's affairs, we felt it prudent to wait until those issues were settled. Unfortunately, in such an atmosphere speculation sometimes runs wild.
James died of asphyxiation due to an accidental overdose of nitrous oxide. There was no evidence that the overdose was intentional. In fact, there is considerable evidence to the contrary.
We hope this ends the speculation and gossip.
6/15/2010 1:19:49 PM
From: Matt Blair - Taylorsville, Cary, NC
Thanks to all of his friends that showed up to the very nice party up at IML !!!!
6/3/2010 6:44:25 AM
From: Decanione - Northampton (UK)
Our heart felt sympathies go out to u at the difficult time.
A genuine, lovely guy will be so sdaly missed by everyone.
Tony
5/20/2010 5:59:34 PM
From: Rubber Boots 71 - Newark Ohio, Chicago, IL
my heart goes out to u and urs as u experience the worst part of life..U are in our prayers
Brian and Kraig
5/12/2010 8:18:58 AM
From: guyn2rubber - Los Angeles CA
We have certainly lost a fine man and gentleman as well as a well respected member of the rubber community. I never meet Bodisama personally but we did speak through chats on a few occasions when I wrote to him to acknowledge the brilliant Devil Dog Rubber products. He was always willing to offer advice, information and support when asked for information on his knowledge of rubber/latex issues.
He was always a kind and thoughtful when we spoke. And he never made me feel as though I was asking him an unimportant question. He will be missed for we have all lost a dear friend. Why must all of the good ones go so damned young?!
5/11/2010 4:06:16 PM
From: keepmetiedup - santa fe
I never had the opportunity or pleasure to meet James, but the eulogy and comments are very moving. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss.
4/28/2010 12:57:15 PM
From: Grover - Las Vegas NV
I never met James but I did email him a few times and commented on his style of bondage. The few times that he answered me back was always a good feeling for me. You could tell that he enjoyed and was proud of the work that he did. I will surely miss his style.
He will be surely missed, God Bless you and know that he will always be here with us.
4/28/2010 12:25:01 AM
From: DJ Wilson - Atlanta
James was a good guy and a Great Friend.. He really cared about others and of his partner MATT!. Bless them both...
4/26/2010 7:39:18 PM
From: Joe - Bethlehem PA
I am so very sad to learn of James death. James was such a vibrant man who knew the art of giving hospitality to his friends. He was a gentleman if I've ever know one, a generous and warm soul. I consider it a honor to have known him over the years.
Matt, I have gathered from comments posted here that on top of a terrible situation you have been treated horribly. I am even more devastated to learn of this and our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Our sincerest sympathy and love,
Joe & Dave
4/21/2010 6:06:14 PM
From: Roughtopneeded@aol.com - Western, NC
Sorry to hear of James passing. It saddens me to hear this and my prayers are with his family and of course Matt. Never got the chance to know James on a personal level but we had chatted a couple of times. Matt, if you are reading this, keep your head up and always know he is just a breath away!
4/20/2010 2:03:48 PM
From: Stan (Bootsxi) - Northeast, New York
I just learned of James death. I did not have the great honor to get to know James, only had a comment here and there in past years. I extend my condolences to you and all his friends ....
There are times we do not understand death or why at such a young age, I hope you can find peace with all the fond and joyful memories you have had with James.
Rest in Peace James ...
4/16/2010 5:04:48 PM
From: Reid - Vancouver, British Columbia
Matt, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It must only seem like an extra burden to be dealing with his family in the way you have to. All I can say is that I hope everything works out as it should and that you're able to keep Devil Dog alive as a testimony to James' life and passions.
I first met James at IML 2008. As most of us were, I was immediately drawn to his charismatic conversation and dumbfounding latexwear. I was very excited to hear that he and Matt were actually going to make all of those fantasies a reality. It was great to see those guys out at every rubber event they could get to after that. I was so sad to hear that James suddenly left us.
Matt, I lost my partner Murad in January so I know how you feel and what you're going through. All I can say, I guess is that grieving is the last act of love you can give him so you have to honor who is was and what he means to you by grieving in the best way possible. It may not feel right now to think of the positive effects and influences he had in your life, but eventually the pain will subside.
Realize that you are inevitably changed, be patient with yourself and keep in mind that you are healing.
Here are some parting words I found very helpful. I hope they help you too Matt.
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
4/15/2010 10:11:30 PM
From: Matt Blair - In Exile, Hickory, NC
In the past two weeks I have been touched by the outpouring of good wishes and thoughts from our friends in the different fetish communities. You have proven to be our REAL family during this terrible time. As we speak, there are many lawyers working for me to help regain my PERSONAL items, many more lawyers are workign to preserve Devil Dog Rubber, so that James' legacy doesn't end up in the landfill. I was a part of his family for almost 15 years. These people excluded me from all aspects of James' viewing and funeral. Its not a slight to me, but to their SON and BROTHER. So for all of you out there with partners, whether in states where it is legal or not, PROTECT each other LEGALLY. Its the right thing to do. Don't assume it will never happen to you or a loved one. To Robert, Larry, Ross, Art, JJ, Kevin and many others, How can I EVER repay you for your kindness??? Thank you is not enough. So my love to all of you. We will get through this.
For those of you asking about a cause of death, nobody has really told us yet.
4/15/2010 11:55:56 AM
From: Jim Young - Vernon, CT
I would like to express my sincere condolences to you, Matt, on this tragic loss.
I know only too well the pain of the loss of someone so young, and I have a small idea of what you are going through. While it has been more than 3 years for me, I still remember very well how I felt, and know how bad the mental, and physical pain is right now for you.
While we have not been in touch for quite some time, I still have fond memories of you, and James, and hope that you soon find peace after his passing.
Take good care of your body, spoil yourself, reflect on the good times, allow your friends in, and above all, know that people are concerned, and can and will help.
Jim
4/15/2010 9:24:19 AM
From: Jonathan Cooke - Dickson, TN
How did this happen? How did he die? Was it a horrible accident, or an illness?
4/14/2010 4:43:08 PM
From: Jaeger Fuchs - Tryon, NC
My partner and I had just be introduced to James at the "Furry Weekend Atlanta" convention in Atlanta on March 25-28, 2010 by our mutual friend, Jet and we really enjoyed spending time and getting to know him. As we also own a small on-line fetish supply business, we talked shop and exchanged many ideas about a few new projects we were working on. We felt so comfortable talking with James, as he was so sincere and passionate about his work, and continued to communicate with him via IM and e-mail right after the event. It was not until last week, that we received the news while away on vacation in Europe, and felt a great personal lost of his passing. We had planned to get together with him to do some motorcycle riding and work out details on some product manufacturing for us upon our return, as he only lived a few hours away. Our thoughts and prays go out to his partner, family and friends. Even though we just met James, he left an impression on us that will last forever in our hearts.
Sincerely,
Jaeger Fuchs & Tig Wolf.
4/13/2010 8:12:58 PM
From: Tim (nccigarman) - NC
So many leave this world before we have the chance to know them better as we should. Though I only have met James briefly, I have known Matt for a while and he remains in my thoughts an prayers for quick healing and peace with James' untimely departure from this world. Matt, may your good memories and your friends carry you through.
4/11/2010 10:17:37 AM
From: Bob S bitchboyforMASTER - Concord, New Hampshire
Though I never knew James personally, I do recall seeing him on many ocassions, perhaps in our travel to leather events. He was a striking man...and definetly gone too soon. May his spirit live on in all of us. My heartfelt sympathy to you as well Matt.
4/11/2010 6:43:16 AM
From: Jay Curry (Jayjock, Jayjock81) - New Orleans
Had never met James, but we had a lot of friends and playmates in common. We chatted on line over the years and I regret that I never got a chance to meet him!!! He was well liked and respected by everyone who had a chance to meet or talk with him. He will be missed.
4/11/2010 1:53:55 AM
From: Frank, "sirsbitchboy" - Boone NC
i never had the priveledge of meeting James, Hell i never met Matt until the day after James' crossover. But i have talked with both for over 3 years, we lived so close but still i never met him. Just from talking with James i knew he was a special entity. when i learned of his passing, i felt like i had lost a best friend, weird huh? James you will be very much missed.
And to Matt, liked i told you earlier, even tho we just met, i consider you family and if i can do anything let me know.
XOXO
4/10/2010 10:16:33 PM
From: Tony - Buffalo, New York
Dear friend, You were an innovator, a mentor and an important part of our tribe. While You and I were mostly friends from afar, Your voice and spirit spoke through the pictures and that is how we first became acquainted.
Yours were some of the first pictures I responded to in a real way. You were truly an icon and an artist. I would not be where I am today if You had not shared Your passion and intensity in such vivid ways.
In the past couple of years I have treasured the chance encounters in DC and Chicago where we have been able to enjoy each others' presence. Your straightforward humor, genuine interest and relaxed sensibility were always a part of Your gentlemanly nature that I will ALWAYS remember You by. Like partners-in-crime we exchanged ideas, tips and laughs. You meant more to Me than You ever knew.
To Matt, I am SO VERY sorry for YOUR loss. Your 'baby' was so much to all of us, I can only imagine the wealth You were able to share together. My thoughts and positive vibrations are heading your way.
4/8/2010 11:49:44 PM
From: Jay Maurice (wetsuitjay) (babyisland2002) - Edmonds, WA
I met James for the first time at our February party staying at our house for the weekend. It's rare to speak with someone so straight to the point and you knew where you stood with him. His gear creations were top notch and I am happy for our friends who were able to buy several of his creations. I'm glad he made the trip across the country and made peace with Dan. You can read Dan's (rubberasylum) post for the details but what he left out was the entire night he cried when he found out. James and Dan had a special bond and he will be very much missed.
4/8/2010 10:48:55 PM
From: J - bay area
i never met james. but seeing this outpouring of love makes me wish i had.
I'm not an easy person to get to know. My kinks don't allow me the freedom to do what I do in public or at events, and even if they did I lean toward the shy side.
But its good to know there's such enormous love in the community. And its good to know that when I get to where james is... I think he'll be as welcoming to me then as he was to all of you.
And I think he's already designing the next generation of super hot gear.
my condolences to everyone here. and congratulations to james. you were obviously loved.
4/8/2010 7:59:15 PM
From: Alex Lindsay (L8Xboy, American Leatherman 2009) - Los Angeles, CA
James was one of those men I had run across online. A man who exemplified the extent to which one can truly love one's Kink and one's Play. He made me nervous. He made me excited. He certainly made me hard. I didn't think I would ever have the opportunity to actually meet him.
We met for the first time, and as is often the case, his presence in the real world was very different than the perception I had built up of him. He was amiable, and engaging, intelligent, interesting, and we hit it off. The reality of knowing him was even better than the imagination of wanting to.
Alas, we didn't get that much time together. Since we would always see each other at an event, it was always while one or the other of us was running hither or yon.
James pushed my buttons with his eye for design, his portrayal of sexuality, his deviant activities, his expression of control. I wish I had had the opportunity to play with him as his bottom. I wish I had had the opportunity to play with him as his top. I wish I had had the opportunity to sit down to dinner and talk about life, the universe, the playroom, love, sex, all the things that people talk about as friends. I wish I had had the change to be his friend.
I will miss him.
Matt, my heart goes out to you. May your future brighten and your friends shine upon you. And may you always remember James for his place in your life and his place in the world.
Hugs,
Alex
4/8/2010 12:23:43 AM
From: Jeffrey Gent - Los Angeles
I'm so sorry to hear about the tragic passing of a fellow latex designer. To James' partner I would like to express my deepest sympathy for his terrible loss.
Jeffrey Gent
Rubbellion
4/7/2010 7:33:40 PM
From: Matt (dullrazor) - Maiden, NC
I first met James & Matt when I was around 20 or so. James gave me one of my first "really intense" sessions.
But, beyond that we seemed to connect as people, as friends, even in that short period of time "before and after". We kept in loose communication over the past few years, occasionally checking up on one another or just saying "hi". He was a genuinely great guy... which is typically odd to say about someone you only met a few times. But, he was that sort of person, that was evident. Kind, empathetic, personable, understanding. A pleasure to be around, and someone who will be sorely missed by any who have had the pleasure of meeting him.
I offer my deep condolences to the friends and family of James, and Matt as well (who is an equally great guy), in this, their time of grieving.
4/7/2010 5:26:51 PM
From: alexander (tiefschwarz) - berlin
Autumn
The leaves are falling, falling as if from far up,
as if orchards were dying high in space.
Each leaf falls as if it were motioning "no."
And tonight the heavy earth is falling
away from all other stars in the loneliness.
We're all falling. This hand here is falling.
And look at the other one. It's in them all.
And yet there is Someone, whose hands
infinitely calm, holding up all this falling.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Die Blätter fallen, fallen wie von weit,
als welkten in den Himmeln ferne Gärten;
sie fallen mit verneinender Gebärde.
Und in den Nächten fällt die schwere Erde
aus allen Sterne in die Einsamkeit.
Wir alle fallen. Diese Hand da fällt.
Und sieh dir andre an: es ist in allen.
Und doch ist einer, welcher dieses Fallen
unendlich sanft in seinen Händen hält.
Rainer Maria Rilke
4/7/2010 4:09:51 PM
From: Robert (2guys) - Utrecht, The Netherlands
It was only a brief encounter at MIR last November. Both busy at our booths, you at yours; we at ours (with the chastitybelts). Chatted just a little. You made the wonderful suit our friend Walter and my boyfriend wore during the event. It was a blast!
Afterwards we had some chats online, sometimes we went really philosophical, other times it was just a brief hello. The suit I ordered and received just a month ago was amazing. I could not believe someone could make something that great out of some sheets of rubber.
I always enjoyed our chats and we were both looking forward to meet up again at IML (if you decided to go as a visitor) and have dinner together. It will not happen and this makes me very sad. IML will not be the same knowing this... weather you planned to come or not.
Dear James, I really saw you as a friend and was hoping we could meet more often. Thank you for the world's greatest suit ever you made for me, I will wear it with pride and let everybody know it was made by you, the best rubberfreak the world have even known.
I wish all the best for Matt and hope he knows we are with him in our thoughts.
4/7/2010 12:35:55 PM
From: robert (tieguy7001) - New Orleans
I don't want to start a thread about this. But, I simply wanted to echo what Kev has written, and to add that there are details that are not yet known. Until then, let me simply quote one of the more colorful Mayors of New Orleans, who stated to the press after Hurricane Betsy had flooded most of the city in the 1960's: "There are many rumors floating around out there. Don't believe any of them unless you hear them from me."
4/7/2010 11:22:13 AM
From: Kevin Morgan (CowboyinBRLA - Baton Rouge, LA
To paraphrase what was said about this elsewhere:
Now is not the time to ask how someone died. We all want to know the answer to that question, because somehow it may make it easier for us to understand what may be our end someday. Giving closure by knowing the details of one who has passed gives us the ability to put closure on thinking about our own mortality. It is natural and we all feel the same way.
But now, at this terrible time, we don't ask for those details, and allow those who will greive that same pain no matter what the answer to that question is, because they know he is gone. To help honor this man, we give them the respect of our condolences and our thoughts.
And also we have respect for keeping in mind this is a public forum.
At this time we stand with our brothers in this rubber tribe and together say good bye to a good man.
4/7/2010 10:55:49 AM
From: Matthew - Washington State
How did he die? No one is saying......
it is very sad for sure.
4/6/2010 10:49:37 PM
From: James Miller - Jimmiefromaol - San Francisco, CA
On April 2nd, I went for a walk along The Embarcadero near the Bay Bridge here in San Francisco. I was in the mood for some leather to keep me warm that day, so I put on the same leather jacket that I wore to DC for MAL 2009. While on my walk, I noticed something was in the breast pocket, and pulled it out. It was the business card for Devil Dog Rubber that James handed me at MAL! It made me smile, and flooded my mind with memories from that trip, the conversations we had at the booth talking about starting up the new company, and discussing his attention to detail that went into his designs and creations that took it from being just gear to true art. It wasn't until I got back from my walk and signed online that I heard the news. Thank you James for keeping me warm on that walk, and putting a smile on my face. You WILL be missed!
4/6/2010 9:02:43 PM
From: Derrick aka Bodangles - Jacksonville
These things are always difficult to put down in words and to try and find the politically correct things to say..I am not very good at it nor at attending funerals. My brothers passing was a very difficult time for me..
...Matt I do feel your pain.
(For those reading this please forgive my first person narrative it is not born of disrespect but it is the best way for me to express myself at the moment).
I am sorry I couldn't attend your Funeral James..I wanted to keep the images I have of you untarnished. One of them is you sitting behind your booth at Mal with a big generous smile..it seemed you were having a good day and it was obvious you were enjoying the moment. The trip to Berlin with you Robert and Matt was one of the best times I've ever had and one I will never forget. My stop over at yours and Matts home after my first encounter at IML was also a treasure I will keep...thank you for having me in your home and for treating me as a friend.
Your writings on friendship are more than truth..spoken from a man who is a deep thinker..I also believe we are all connected and friendships can be born of simple encounters. I may not be as close a friend as perhaps Robert and some of your other acquaintances but my "6 degrees" has brought me at least close enough to see some wonderful qualities from a person who has touched many people.
Was it John Lennon who sad death is stepping out of one car and getting into another..?
Big hugs my friend where-ever you may be.
Your friend Derrick!
4/6/2010 6:49:13 PM
From: Doug (Spazz) - Canton, Ohio
After many years of quietly admiring James from far out in cyberspace, I had the opportunity to meet this man of compassionate vision, at MAL, this February past. Not merely an uber-gearhead, or super-perv, James struck me as something more. In him, I saw the same fire that I feel toward excellence and humanity. I wanted to know James better, and wanted to do anything I could to see his visions succeed.
In hearing of his passing, just now, I am beside myself.
May God lift you up and keep you with him always, James; and may those left behind in your passing be comforted.
4/6/2010 3:59:23 PM
From: Franz - Vienna, Austria
Sad to read this after my Easter vacation. I enjoyed my online conversations with James a lot. I liked his worked, I liked the style of his writing. My condolences to all his friends and relatives.
4/6/2010 2:11:11 PM
From: John- Rubberfirefighter - Fort Myers FLa
I am at a lose for words. This is the second one of these I have had to do in a year and it is tough. I knew James from many conversations on-line, Talking to him at event's and even trying to arrange a visit to him sometime. James was always to kind to me and my partner even though I did not know him as well as I should of. I will miss you and you will always be in my memories.
4/6/2010 2:03:33 PM
From: Markus - Munich, Germany
Although I never managed to meet James in person, I'd like to contribute to this guestbook - to honor a very special man who has been a good friend for so many people and such a creative mind. A terrible loss for everybody who knew him.
My best wishes for his family and I hope that the grief will be alleviated by the memories that we all keep.
4/6/2010 12:32:10 PM
From: Mike - St Louis
While I have not met James or Matt, I have chatted with them often over the years. I was always nice to be able to talk with someone with common interests and a common approach to our passions.
The world just has too few people like you guys, it's a little dimmer today for his loss.
4/6/2010 6:59:20 AM
From: Jose - New York City
We at E7 Gear are very sad to hear the news about the passing of James. We admired his creative talent and enjoyed our many conversations about rubber gear.
Our thoughts and prayers are with his loved ones.
May he rest in peace.
Jose, James & E7 Gear Team
4/6/2010 4:43:22 AM
From: Jake (Rubberfreak) - Chicago, IL
James and I met in a rather odd way, as far as these things are reckoned. We continually ran into each other and exchanged words in passing, but never really made a connection. Then one special day we happened to have a more meaningful conversation than we had in the past.
Little did i know at the time, but this meeting would set into motion a friendship that would have a profound impact on in many ways.
He was not just a friend to me, he was also a confidant, and a critic. He was someone i could share my crazy ideas of creation with that could fully understand what i was trying to accomplish. We exchanged ideas, secrets, dreams -- he was truly a kindred spirit in more regards than even he and I came to know over the relatively short time we had.
Some of the most lasting memories of James many of us will have are of those traits we came to know so well -- that introverted smirk he carried when he was thinking of something particularly amusing or devious, the twinkle in his eye that often came along with a good idea or a particularly fond memory, and of course his brutal directness in the face of any consequence, regardless.
James once said to me that the things I was going to create, and the ideas i had in my head would "Change Everything". In the span of my life I can not think of a higher compliment I have ever been paid, and by someone whose opinion and respect I valued so highly.
Throughout his short time, James touched many lives -- and his touch carried with it more weight than many are used to, as a mark was left almost everywhere his touch landed. He will be greatly missed by many of us. With his departure, comes massive set of shoes to fill as an innovator, a creator, and a mentor.
One of my favorite French proverbs seems so appropriate here, i thought i might share it with James and his fellow friends --
"Pour un plaisir, mille douleurs."
Loosely translated -- "For one pleasure, a thousand pains". A suitable take on life, death, and a philosophy James and I shared.
Farewell James, though you may be gone your memory will live on in the hearts of your friends.
4/6/2010 1:22:50 AM
From: Samye "Tulku" Rinzen - Portland, OR
My memorial are words by Dante from "La Vita Nuova."
"In that book which is my memory;
on the first page
of the chapter
that is the day when I first met you,
appear the words:
Here begins a new life."
-- Tulku
4/6/2010 12:04:32 AM
From: Damian (aka bikermtl) - Montréal QC Canada
James... a being who I never had the pleasure to meet in person, as some lucky souls have. So if I never met James, how could his passing have such an effect on me? Simple. Bodisama was no regular somebody.
The many online exchanges quickly allowed me to see how James was unlike most. He was able to make me question even the simplest of my points of vue. He enticed a higher level of curiosity in me. He was able to have me reflect on my fetish in a way that others never even bothered imagining.
Perhaps I should feel sad knowing that I was to, before long, have the unique pleasure of visiting him and his bf, learn about his wonderful work, and further exchange on wild creations that he was ready to produce. Instead, I see all that James brought to, not only my bdsm world, but to all he has graciously crossed paths with.
He will be missed by many of us, but Bodisama is all but long forgotten. He lives on inside of us all now, in some little or enormous way.
We're all with you Matt. Be strong.
Damian
4/5/2010 10:59:04 PM
From: Todd - Atlanta, GA, USA
James's work was more than just fabrication or even fashion; it was art in every sense of the word: a craft, a skill, an expression of vision and texture in physical form, with the human body itself as a canvas. He found his passion through these expressions, and what he made astounded us all. Few could even hope to compare favorably to the amazing creations of his mind and hand.
We will remember him, even if someday not for his friends and his personality, we will remember James as a visionary lost too soon.
4/5/2010 9:17:57 PM
From: Jonathan aka douseiai - Montréal
I only know Bodisama through his pictures. But I would still like to extend my sincere condolences to his friends and his partner. My thoughts are with you.
4/5/2010 9:10:43 PM
From: Pup Nitro - Atlanta, GA
The loss of you James has truly been heartbreaking. When I got that call Friday I was just dumbfounded. We have lost a very dear member of our family, and will miss you very much. Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone still left here, especially you Matt. We love you.
Daddy Alan, Pup Nitro, and boy scott.
4/5/2010 9:09:01 PM
From: Matthew (Rubbearman) - New York
I knew not you in your living days
I feel your wake of inspiration and love
You touched carefully and with strength
You soar without binds or gravity
You live while we live on
Touched by your words
Touched by your spirit
I know you now.
4/5/2010 8:52:26 PM
From: Chuck Gillespie (cgillespie, cwgiii) - Atlanta Ga/ Charlotte NC
I just don't know what to say. I have started this posting no fewer that 10 times, and each time I feel that I can not possibly do justice to what I feel James deserves. I write this for James and Matt, and myself (because it seems cathartic). Because those that knew James, knew him for who he was, I am writing this from my point of view, a Leatherman's point of view. However, I think that most people will see the truth of what I feel behind the writing.
I met James and Matt about 10 years ago and we got along from day one. James has been a very influential figure in my life and Leather journey. I think many people will know what I mean when you just knew that he was "good folk". The three of us have often commented on how rare it is to find this kind of person in the world. But I have observed (and continue to believe) that there are more "good folk" in our community than we see in the general population.
As others have mentioned, his intensity was profound. He had a way of knowing what was important, down-to-earth and true. He would not hesitate to point it out. His creativity was evident in many ways, not the least of which was his latest business venture. I am impressed that he made things happen in his own quiet way. He went out and DID, found a way, got it done. He was the kind of person that I felt one phone call would get me out of a bind with no reservation on his part.
James was a very generous person in many ways. He shared his knowledge freely. He opened his home. He shared his skills and experience. He shared his heart. I know he will be missed.
Matt,
Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I can't imagine what this is like for you but I am in your corner. Seriously don't hesitate.
Yours in Leather, Love, and Brotherhood,
Chuck
4/5/2010 8:44:10 PM
From: Dan (Rubberasylum) - Edmonds, Wa
James was an amazing man,
I was lucky enough to count him as one of my friends, someone that you could count on to tell you how it was even if the truth carried barbed spikes. It was refreshing to know a soul that I could connect with so well that was honest to a fault.
This often caused him differences with people, as we in life tend to be so fake, avoid the truth and what rests inside us at all costs.
The sad part is that James was usually right on what he had to say, he just would tell us things that we didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to face, and didn’t want to attest to. He would happily point these out to us.
He lived his life with the attitude that life is too fucking short, just deal with it and move the fuck on.
Jay and I were lucky enough to host a party 4 weeks ago that James attended. Curling up with him in bed those four nights was so heartwarming to me as one of the main reasons he attended that weekend is that him and I had some differences of our own to work out, which we did.
And I am so grateful for that.
This is a loss that hits our whole community. James was tops at his game. In play he could draw out parts of us that we didn’t even know we were capable of, and in business he was re-writing the whole rubber scene.
He often would sit and giggle to himself; of which I called his "self satisfied laugh", he liked that, said that no one had pegged it so well before. He was insanely bright, and his mind moved a mile a minute.
James is one of the reasons I write. While talking with him one day, he asked to see the first chapter of my (still unfinished) novel. After reading it he told me that he would be really pissed if I never finished it. Very few people’s opinions matter to me in this world.
His did.
That is one thing I will say that I am officially sorry that I could never make him understand, how much he meant to me. James tended to be disappointed in the world, in people. He told me that most people he had ever trusted had disappointed him. I asked him last month, as we sat over dinner, the night I took him to the airport if he trusted me...
He told me he didn’t trust anyone.
I love you James, as a friend, as a person. I will miss our chats and your thoughts on life, the community, gear, and play.
I thank you for your selfless side you showed me by your creation of my Aquala suit that I hold so dear, and now will even more, as you refused to accept a dime because I did something for you and you needed to repay me.
I thank you for being there for me on the night of Gummidawg's passing, when he was to be there to play with me the next day; even though my attempts to be there for you through Bostoncuir & TiedupUK's passing’s were clunky at best as I had no idea what to say.
I thank you for singlehandedly pulling me out of my shell after my 5 year abusive relationship ended, and painfully pointing out to me the broken parts that I still needed to heal that were dug deep inside me that I didn’t know even existed.
And I thank you for helping me find the Top I am today, though perhaps not up to your standards, It was nice to see your smile of approval at the party when I had a boy on the edge of cracking...
My former master told me many years ago when the first person I cared for died on me, that it was hard for him to get too emotional anymore since he lived through the HIV crisis of the 80's and 90's where his friends were dropping like flies, and he was forced to build a hard shell.
In many ways I understand where he was coming from, but your passing touches me deep and hard, as I really don’t know how to say good-bye.
I guess the easiest way is just to say it...
You will be deeply missed, and I hope some day I can feel in my heart that I have met your standards.
As much as I am sure that Religion's view of things is complete Bullshit, and yes I know you shall agree, if on the off chance that they do have it right, I hope to see you soon.
Save me a place by the fire :)
~Rubberasylum
4/5/2010 8:25:42 PM
From: Stephen 'snoopy' Lawrence - Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I first met James more than 16 years ago, when he was driving up to Toronto on a regular basis and he was on one of his layovers, and it was that first meeting that began a friendship that would ultimately change the direction of my life forever. I was just a down-and-out guy back then, trying to find meaning and direction to my life. James had an infectious spirit, wonderful sense of humour, and easy-going nature, and his gentle guidance gave me the push that was needed to eventually turn my life around for the better, and for that I will always be grateful to him. His selfless caring nature was a shining example of what we should all strive for.
I was just in contact with him a couple of weeks ago expressing the desire to once again sit and chat as we used to, and now knowing that that will never happen makes me weep. I had one day hoped to repay his kindness, and now all I'm able to do is express my sadness and sorrow for his passing.
You will definitely be missed James... may you find the peace that you deserve.
4/5/2010 4:41:37 PM
From: Rob (RubberBoundCOP - Windsor, CT
I have known James for a long time. We shared a lot in common. I enjoyed all of our talks. There are few that possess the talent and intelligence and personality that he had.
We were working on some new inactive stuff for his business; which included some 3D models of my designs that he thought would push the boundaries of the rubber world. I will miss him dearly. There are very few people that I call my close and dear friends and he was among them. Again I will so miss him and wish him the best where ever he might end up in his next adventure.
With Love,
Rob (RubberBoundCOP)
4/5/2010 4:29:39 PM
From: Matt C. Blair - Taylorsville, NC
I'd just like to thank all of you for your kindness. Matt
4/5/2010 3:56:11 PM
From: robert - new orleans
I wanted to thank cowboyinbrla and his partner gayhellbilly for creating this beautiful site to help us all remember James. Funny thing is, James waited for years to reserve this domain name, as someone had taken it, but never used it. It finally came available, and he snatched it up some time ago, planning to use it to create his own personal site. Knowing him, he would want all content approval. LOL. But, under the circumstances, I think he is glad that the domain name is finally getting used, and that it will become a place for all those who cared about him, or wish to honor him, to keep in touch and share memories.
4/5/2010 2:05:37 PM
From: Kevin (CowboyinBRLA) - Baton Rouge, LA
When I first met James, after hearing so much about him from friends in common, I was taken aback by how quiet he was while simultaneously seeming to fill the room with his energy. In the course of an evening, while tinkering with some computers, fiddling with some other projects around our host's house, and over a wonderful dinner, we talked about topics that spanned the gamut from kink to politics to psychology to nature. No matter what the subject was, he seemed able to discuss it, ask questions when he didn't understand something, and grasp the essence of almost anything.
I saw immediately why my friend Robert was so taken with him - they were both intelligent men who had a wide range of interests. Over the last few years I learned that James could be blunt to the point of almost seeming rude, but paradoxically, he would only do so with people he knew he wouldn't offend. He could be direct with a friend in a way that never made you feel coddled; you felt, instead, challenged to do your best.
It's often said that so-and-so is his own toughest critic, and I know that was the case with James. He was always seeking improvement, both in himself and in the work he did, and in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people, perhaps the burden of struggling against the everyday, the ordinary, the mundane and mediocre, was too much.
Laurence Binyon's "For the Fallen," an ode written in the aftermath of the Battle of the Marne, during the first World War, captured the feelings of those left behind when someone too young was lost in battle. Whether fighting a foreign enemy, or the demons in the depths of one's soul, the loss is especially palpable.
They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
We will remember James, then and always.
4/3/2010 12:00:00 PM