October 9, 1966 • April 2, 2010
Some of Bodisama's Thoughts and Writings
Acquaintance vs. Friend
The dilution of meaning in the modern era.
Modern social networking offers advantages that are reshaping definitions or corrupting the definitions already established. It’s a matter of opinion which you believe. All I really want to do here is lay out an observation. “Friend” is a word we use to describe just about every person we’ve ever had contact with. We have chat ‘friends’, we associate by indentifying ourselves as ‘friends’ on blogs, personal interest sites, etc. Everyone is a ‘friend’ even if we’ve never met. Strangers we know hardly anything about or share only a couple specific interests are ‘friends.’ People who can provide what we need are ‘friends.’
So if everyone is a ‘friend’, who are the people that you actually know? What is a person who knows your needs and you know theirs? Who is the person that drives you to take action? It’s really a values question. The key to sort the list is in fact the point where you are driven to act. Action and Inaction are the execution of values. Action represents worth and Inaction reflects less worth. It isn’t black and white. There are degrees. You can best see values at work in people when they are given a choice between two things they want , yet can only have one. We make these choices every day. Self awareness and integrity are the openness about those choices. How willing we are to own our choice and accept the consequences of them? Clever people learn to make these choices without ever actually committing to them. Maybe you’d call this integrity, I don’t.
Perhaps this is the time when we reclassify the list into two categories. Acquaintance and Friend. For social purposes Acquaintance is a more fitting term. You can be acquainted with half the people on the planet. You can’t lose an acquaintance based on your choices/values. You can lose a friend. You don’t need to consider the impact your actions/values will have on an acquaintance. If you are wise, you’ll consider a friend. If you find yourself confounded by the reaction a friend has to your choice, odds are you misclassified them in the first place. Perhaps you got caught up in the modern use of the word ‘friend’ while applying the older definition of the word.
The word ‘friend’ has a lot of leverage. Just the use of it buys you the right to expectations. If you throw the word ‘friend’ at someone you can box their behavior. Set up boundary lines and revel in the game, keeping detailed score as you go. You can’t get that thrill with an ‘acquaintance.’
Just observations on my part. I’ve often said words have meaning. These two especially.
Bodisama
J
Published via Livejournal, September 8th, 2009
Mindsets
Over the past few days I have spent a lot of time thinking about social attitude, social interactions, and what it all means on a personal level. I have often found myself conflicted by what I perceive. There seems to be two distinct categories. One is a complementary, positive, well intentioned effort to be a part of a something bigger. Satisfaction comes from the fulfillment of the overall goal. I will cite an example later. The other approach is one that is happy to see great things take place but more for the ‘buffet’ effect. As long as you don’t have to prepare the spread, 200ft of 'all you can eat' is paradise. “What do I care about the details, I’m here for what I can get.”
The best example I have ever seen of the first approach will take place soon in the UK. I have nothing to do with it and won’t be able to attend. I am however, in a state of respectful awe. Gearblast UK is the inevitable next step to gatherings organized here in the states by an upstanding well known pervert. Certainly individuals will have plenty to gain by attending. The interesting thing is how many are actively, one on one promoting the event. What does it benefit a single person to have 100 or 1000 people attend? It is a reflection of people who together share a bond and a desire to share with as many as possible. The camaraderie is magical.
I have had the misfortune to see the other approach. It repels me. Aren’t there enough takers in the world? Evidently not, moreover, they are bolder than ever in their disregard for the greater social good. You see a wrong and rather than try to steer others from it, you practice the second approach. “It doesn’t hurt me so why do I care if someone else is hurt?”
At the end of the day it isn’t my role to play judge I guess. We all have our unique moral compass. This is just another way we end up grouping together. I won’t be in the UK for Gearblast, but my heart will be.
I have chosen to devote my attention and affection to people who follow the first approach. While I am quick to offer an opinion, passionate people never question my intent. For me the question is, “How do I explain devoting my time and energy to the first approach when it diverts attention away from close but dispassionate friends?” A person following the second approach to life can’t comprehend or can they? What is fair to expect of them? What is it that I can fairly expect? These are the conflicts that test character I suppose.
The one thing I know for sure……the guys in the UK are gonna have a hell of a good time ;-)
Bodisama
J
Published via Livejournal, July 17th, 2009